©
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
by Audrey Hepburn (via raeraenjma)

(Source: wordsthat-speak, via youngmanandoldsoul-deactivated2)

Lucid Dreaming

Is something I’ve always been interested in, but have never been able to do. (Out of laziness to try maybe? I don’t know) My dad has always been really into it, and still refuses to share any of his experiences. Like when I asked him to tell me any of his ‘cool stories’, he flat out said no. They’re very special to him, and he says he’ll share once I have one too. Last night I was able to ‘wake up’ in my dream, and just when I had realized I had so much control, and could literally do anything, I got too excited/freaked out, and woke up. Bummer, but hey, that was lucid dream #1 so whatever. There’s always tonight.

I haven’t been able to fall asleep naturally for months, and I’m beginning to think its insomnia. Usually smoking pot helps get me to bed, but its getting pretty pricey, so I’ve been meditating before bed. Metta meditation, specifically, which is meditation in which you concentrate on powerful feelings of unconditional love and wishing well unto yourself and others. Not only does it help relax me, but leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling that I just want to embrace the whole world and tell them I love them. Since I stopped smoking before bed, which usually makes me forget my dreams due to the less amount of REM sleep you receive after smoking marijuana, I haven’t had a dream I can remember for a long time. That is why I’ve decided to try out lucid dreaming. My dad just gave me a book by Carlos Castaneda on the subject, to help me out. So here I go I guess.

If anyone has any tips, it would be well appreciated. Stories and experiences and good as well. I enjoy other’s tales. :)

Just hung out with my parents for like an hour really stoned. Thank god they didn’t notice! Although they did comment on how funny I was. Hahah ;)

Most of all, I wish I wasn’t so cruel to myself. 

I beg my heart to set itself on one thing, one future, only one; but it is full of contradictions

I want to live in the country, where the birds’ songs will awaken me, and where I can be free and away from the buzz of the city. But I also want to live in the city and be reckless and abuse my body- after all, it is just a vehicle for my own self enjoyment. I want to go to school and keep learning, and get many degrees. But I also want to drop out of school and stop trying to earn all these titles just so I can fit into society. I want to meet someone and get married, and give them lots of children we can watch over and love. But I also want to learn to love myself and dedicate my life to taking care of myself and avoiding a heart ache. I want to live all these lives that aren’t mine and forget about the droll girl who lives inside my head. I want to stay in this town and keep the life I live, but I also want to leave and never, ever, come back. I wish there wasn’t such a thing as deception, for I keep deceiving myself. 

The strangest things always happen to me. Maybe I send off weirdo vibes? I don’t know how, but I always find myself involved in the most unique situations, with the most bizarre strangers. I’m honestly surprised I still manage to even get surprised. I never really do share what I’ve seen and done with friends, or even people in general, being that I’m a naturally private person, but man, have I seen shit.

The sleeziest curtain ever. I have no curtain in my bathroom, but this will do for now. I’m just tired of my neighbors seeing me naked all the time. Really, it happens all the time. I’ll be coming out of the shower sometime around 11 pm, and I’ll be hitting up my bong nude and my neighbors will be in the midst of stripping down fast (newly weds who have sex all the time with the curtains open) and our eyes will meet, and oh god it’s so awkward. The other day I ran into them at Whole Foods and it was weird since they came over and said hi. Next time they see me naked I’ll just smile and wave or something to ease off the tension.

The sleeziest curtain ever. I have no curtain in my bathroom, but this will do for now. I’m just tired of my neighbors seeing me naked all the time. Really, it happens all the time. I’ll be coming out of the shower sometime around 11 pm, and I’ll be hitting up my bong nude and my neighbors will be in the midst of stripping down fast (newly weds who have sex all the time with the curtains open) and our eyes will meet, and oh god it’s so awkward. The other day I ran into them at Whole Foods and it was weird since they came over and said hi. Next time they see me naked I’ll just smile and wave or something to ease off the tension.

Deep, deep down, I’m a sloth

Deep, deep down, I’m a sloth

This is the most true picture of my dog. Whenever I try to snap a pic of my baby he always regards the camera with this cold stony look before he tries to lick my face but this is it. My dog. If he were in a band, he’d be Nick Mason from Pink Floyd. I mean, look at him at him.

This is the most true picture of my dog. Whenever I try to snap a pic of my baby he always regards the camera with this cold stony look before he tries to lick my face but this is it. My dog. If he were in a band, he’d be Nick Mason from Pink Floyd. I mean, look at him at him.

I just need someone in my life who is willing to talk about music with me on occasions. Someone who can drop dates of albums and know what I’m talking about. I’m not a woman of any religious faith, but if there is anything I believe in it’s rock n’ roll music. I swoon whenever I start talking about Led Zeppelin, or The Kinks, and don’t even get me started on The Beatles or Pink Floyd. I miss one of my good friends from school who I won’t get to see this whole summer, who loved talking about music all the effin time. Classic rock lovers please talk to me. I’m falling apart here guys.